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Triggers

TRAUMA BONDING Explained

There’s one kind of romantic relationship that I wouldn’t wish on anyone — and that’s the kind that’s been made intense by a trauma bond. This another name for dynamic also known as “intermittent reinforcement, where one person gives intense affection and approval to the other person, and then alternates it with neglect, disapproval, abandonment …

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CPTSD and Visiting Family: Ten Tips for Self Care

Lately, a lot of people who grew up with childhood trauma are going “no contact” with their families and loved ones. I hear people talking about it with relief and sometimes a sense of accomplishment. For many people, the abuse was egregious and may be ongoing; in these cases, walking away for good may be …

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Why Can’t I Make People Stop TRIGGERING Me?

I’m going to say something very ‘tough love’ here: As a person with Childhood PTSD, You can ask others to understand you and your sensitivities, and you can even ask them to help you avoid getting triggered. But you know what? They are not obliged to do any of it. That doesn’t mean they don’t …

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Managing CPTSD When the World is On Fire

When the world around you becomes unstable, there are two basic energies you can adopt.  For those who went through trauma as a child, it’s hard to avoid getting stuck in one of them. Self protection. As much as we need safety, inside and out — we also need growth. If you have Childhood PTSD …

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The Dark Side of People-Pleasing

If you’re feeling like the people YOU like, don’t like YOU — and you don’t know why — the first thing you want to look at is whether you are people-pleasing.  People-pleasing is the act of changing yourself to make people like you — trying to match their interests and values, flattering them, and hiding …

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How to Deal With Haters

One hard thing about my work is — I get hate mail sometimes. Maybe you do too — or you just get exposed to other people’s hurtful messages, and feel “punched in the gut” or outraged when you’re just going about your business reading articles online or scrolling through your social media feed — in …

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Why I Quit Therapy

Everyone tells you when you’re having a hard time, especially when you had a lot of trauma as a kid, that you should “go talk to someone.”  “You should “find a good therapist.” But for me, talk therapy didn’t help, and I want to tell you why. At the beginning of 2020, I posted a …

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CPTSD: Are you TRIGGERED by ABANDONMENT?

One of the worst triggers of Childhood PTSD symptoms for many of us is the feeling of abandonment.  This trigger is primal because we’re all wired to be loved and included in the tribe as if our lives depended on it.  Because in any situation before the last 100 years or so, our lives did …

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Dysregulation & CPTSD — Triggered by Hurrying and Overwhelm?

Note: This article is a transcript of a video excerpted from my online course Dysregulation Bootcamp. Brain and emotional dysregulation are common in adults who experienced abuse and neglect in childhoodhood, and is linked to problems with mood, mental focus, health and relationships. Hurrying is a huge trigger for a lot of people with Childhood …

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