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Relationships

Covert Avoidance: Are You Hiding From Your Own Life?

For people living with the effects of childhood trauma, “avoidance” can be a strategy to control CPTSD triggers by keeping oneself alone and isolated. “Covert avoidance” is my term for a secret kind of avoidance — living life as if you are engaged with it, but hiding from it. Watch the Video If that’s you, …

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TRAUMA BONDING Explained

There’s one kind of romantic relationship that I wouldn’t wish on anyone — and that’s the kind that’s been made intense by a trauma bond. This another name for dynamic also known as “intermittent reinforcement, where one person gives intense affection and approval to the other person, and then alternates it with neglect, disapproval, abandonment …

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Why You Don’t Feel HEARD

It is SO common for people who had childhood trauma go through life feeling disconnected and unimportant to other people, and a big piece of that is feeling not heard: people don’t listen when you express yourself, or they listen, but they don’t get it or they don’t believe you. Or worse, they don’t care. …

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Why Can’t I Make People Stop TRIGGERING Me?

I’m going to say something very ‘tough love’ here: As a person with Childhood PTSD, You can ask others to understand you and your sensitivities, and you can even ask them to help you avoid getting triggered. But you know what? They are not obliged to do any of it. That doesn’t mean they don’t …

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CPTSD: The Number One Reason Your Past is Making You Miserable

I’ve learned so much from the community that’s gathered around my YouTube channel. I’ve noticed that comments are usually one of two kinds, and one of them is from people who still feel stuck in their early trauma. At it’s heart, Childhood PTSD is an injury to the ability to connect. From this injury, come …

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The Dark Side of People-Pleasing

If you’re feeling like the people YOU like, don’t like YOU — and you don’t know why — the first thing you want to look at is whether you are people-pleasing.  People-pleasing is the act of changing yourself to make people like you — trying to match their interests and values, flattering them, and hiding …

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The Emptiness You Feel Is Trying to Tell You Something

I read a short story last week that was about emptiness and love. That funny thing that happens sometimes, happened, and three different people wrote to me within about 24 hours about… emptiness and love. They were feeling — and I think a lot of us are feeling it — a harsh, empty, loveless feeling …

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How to Mend a Broken Relationship

If you grew up with abuse and neglect in your childhood, chances are good that you’ve suffered more than your share of broken relationships. Sometimes the break is caused by the other person, but today I want to talk about broken relationships where we played a role in hurting our connection with someone we care …

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Is Your Partner’s CPTSD Hurting Your Relationship?

Happy Valentines Day to all you good people out there! I talk a lot about breaking isolation and forming relationships, but a topic many of you have asked me to cover is, how to be in a relationship with another person who has Childhood PTSD. This is such an important question, about something that can …

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