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Love and Connection

Why You Don’t Feel HEARD

It is SO common for people who had childhood trauma go through life feeling disconnected and unimportant to other people, and a big piece of that is feeling not heard: people don’t listen when you express yourself, or they listen, but they don’t get it or they don’t believe you. Or worse, they don’t care. …

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Is the CHILD in You Controlling the ADULT In You?

Of all the red flags I’ve learned to detect, there’s one that really makes my “uh-oh” radar go off, and that’s when a grown man or woman says “I never want to grow up!” Maybe you’ve tried to date someone like that, or maybe one of your parents was like that. Or maybe (forgive me …

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The Dark Side of People-Pleasing

If you’re feeling like the people YOU like, don’t like YOU — and you don’t know why — the first thing you want to look at is whether you are people-pleasing.  People-pleasing is the act of changing yourself to make people like you — trying to match their interests and values, flattering them, and hiding …

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The Emptiness You Feel Is Trying to Tell You Something

I read a short story last week that was about emptiness and love. That funny thing that happens sometimes, happened, and three different people wrote to me within about 24 hours about… emptiness and love. They were feeling — and I think a lot of us are feeling it — a harsh, empty, loveless feeling …

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How to Mend a Broken Relationship

If you grew up with abuse and neglect in your childhood, chances are good that you’ve suffered more than your share of broken relationships. Sometimes the break is caused by the other person, but today I want to talk about broken relationships where we played a role in hurting our connection with someone we care …

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Is Your Partner’s CPTSD Hurting Your Relationship?

Happy Valentines Day to all you good people out there! I talk a lot about breaking isolation and forming relationships, but a topic many of you have asked me to cover is, how to be in a relationship with another person who has Childhood PTSD. This is such an important question, about something that can …

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Dreading Valentines Day? Here’s Something to Heal That.

This Valentines Day, Prepare for REAL Love: Heal the Effects of Childhood PTSD On Your Romantic Life. A history of trauma in childhood can take a terrible toll on relationships. It’s SO common for us to choose unavailable/inappropriate people, get close too quickly, and stay in bad situations because the thought of abandonment is unbearable. Sometimes …

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CPTSD: Are you TRIGGERED by ABANDONMENT?

One of the worst triggers of Childhood PTSD symptoms for many of us is the feeling of abandonment.  This trigger is primal because we’re all wired to be loved and included in the tribe as if our lives depended on it.  Because in any situation before the last 100 years or so, our lives did …

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CPTSD Makes Us Feel DIFFERENT. Are We?

You hear this a lot among people who experienced childhood trauma. They have trouble shaking the feeling that they’re somehow different, as if everyone else seems to know something — how to act, what to say, how to be connected — and that somehow we never got the memo.  Do you ever feel like that? …

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A History of Childhood Trauma Makes Us Feel Different. Are We?

You hear this a lot among people who experienced childhood trauma. They have trouble shaking the feeling that they’re somehow different, as if everyone else seems to know something — how to act, what to say, how to be connected — and that somehow we never got the memo.  Do you ever feel like that? …

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