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Love and Connection

TRAUMA BONDING Explained

There’s one kind of romantic relationship that I wouldn’t wish on anyone — and that’s the kind that’s been made intense by a trauma bond. This another name for dynamic also known as “intermittent reinforcement, where one person gives intense affection and approval to the other person, and then alternates it with neglect, disapproval, abandonment …

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CPTSD and Visiting Family: Ten Tips for Self Care

Lately, a lot of people who grew up with childhood trauma are going “no contact” with their families and loved ones. I hear people talking about it with relief and sometimes a sense of accomplishment. For many people, the abuse was egregious and may be ongoing; in these cases, walking away for good may be …

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Why You Don’t Feel HEARD

It is SO common for people who had childhood trauma go through life feeling disconnected and unimportant to other people, and a big piece of that is feeling not heard: people don’t listen when you express yourself, or they listen, but they don’t get it or they don’t believe you. Or worse, they don’t care. …

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Is the CHILD in You Controlling the ADULT In You?

Of all the red flags I’ve learned to detect, there’s one that really makes my “uh-oh” radar go off, and that’s when a grown man or woman says “I never want to grow up!” Maybe you’ve tried to date someone like that, or maybe one of your parents was like that. Or maybe (forgive me …

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The Dark Side of People-Pleasing

If you’re feeling like the people YOU like, don’t like YOU — and you don’t know why — the first thing you want to look at is whether you are people-pleasing.  People-pleasing is the act of changing yourself to make people like you — trying to match their interests and values, flattering them, and hiding …

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The Emptiness You Feel Is Trying to Tell You Something

I read a short story last week that was about emptiness and love. That funny thing that happens sometimes, happened, and three different people wrote to me within about 24 hours about… emptiness and love. They were feeling — and I think a lot of us are feeling it — a harsh, empty, loveless feeling …

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