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Attachment

TRAUMA BONDING Explained

There’s one kind of romantic relationship that I wouldn’t wish on anyone — and that’s the kind that’s been made intense by a trauma bond. This another name for dynamic also known as “intermittent reinforcement, where one person gives intense affection and approval to the other person, and then alternates it with neglect, disapproval, abandonment …

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Trauma-Driven Decisions: How to Stop Before They Happen

If you had trauma when you were little, I’m going to guess that you’ve made some really bad decisions in your life… strange self-sabotaging decisions about relationships, jobs, or the way you express yourself when you’re angry.  And you know you’re doing something that’s not right because the people around you are giving you that …

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The Emptiness You Feel Is Trying to Tell You Something

I read a short story last week that was about emptiness and love. That funny thing that happens sometimes, happened, and three different people wrote to me within about 24 hours about… emptiness and love. They were feeling — and I think a lot of us are feeling it — a harsh, empty, loveless feeling …

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Dreading Valentines Day? Here’s Something to Heal That.

This Valentines Day, Prepare for REAL Love: Heal the Effects of Childhood PTSD On Your Romantic Life. A history of trauma in childhood can take a terrible toll on relationships. It’s SO common for us to choose unavailable/inappropriate people, get close too quickly, and stay in bad situations because the thought of abandonment is unbearable. Sometimes …

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CPTSD: Are you TRIGGERED by ABANDONMENT?

One of the worst triggers of Childhood PTSD symptoms for many of us is the feeling of abandonment.  This trigger is primal because we’re all wired to be loved and included in the tribe as if our lives depended on it.  Because in any situation before the last 100 years or so, our lives did …

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CPTSD Makes Us Feel DIFFERENT. Are We?

You hear this a lot among people who experienced childhood trauma. They have trouble shaking the feeling that they’re somehow different, as if everyone else seems to know something — how to act, what to say, how to be connected — and that somehow we never got the memo.  Do you ever feel like that? …

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CPTSD and CLINGING: Try To Let Things COME TO YOU.

Childhood PTSD has often left us unconsciously anxious, and one sign is that we tend to grasp at things we do want, and cling despite the fact that these people, situations or places make us unhappy. In this video I talk about testing reality by letting go and allowing things to come to you. You …

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Did Childhood PTSD Teach You To FIT Yourself to CRAP?

One of the harmful effects of growing up with abuse and neglect, is that we get ALL too good at fitting ourselves to unacceptable people and situations. Long after normal people would have left the scene, our minds tell us it’s our fault, it’s a unique situation, we should stay and make it work. In …

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Is Childhood PTSD Making You Seem Unavailable?

It’s very, very common for people with Childhood PTSD to feel they only know how to attract unavailable and screwed up partners. How can you attract healthy people instead? Answer: With a bright cab light. “Cab light” is slang for the vibe you give off to prospective partners, attracting them toward you when bright, or …

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CPTSD: Four Discoveries That Revolutionized Treatment

Now that we know adverse childhood experiences (ACEs) can cause neurological changes, the old, mostly psychological approaches to treating CPTSD are making way for newer, brain-based treatments that hold promise for millions of survivors. In this video I talk about four discoveries that transformed our old understanding of the problem. I describe more effective strategies …

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