When you’re first dating someone, it can be easy to see only what’s wonderful about them, and to be blind to the red flags in front of your eyes (or to see them but ignore them). If you’ve done this, you know how draining it can be to find yourself emotionally attached to someone who isn’t into you, isn’t worthy of you, or just plain isn’t good for you.
You can assume that someone just getting to know you is on their best behavior. So if you see these red flags in the first few dates, their behavior is highly likely to be worse in the future. ?
Here are 12 signs to watch out for in the first few dates…
1. They’re Unavailable.
- They tell you they are getting divorced (but they are not yet divorced)
- They still live with their ex, but try to convince you they’re just friends (or its for the kids, or for health insurance, or because the ex hasn’t accepted the divorce, etc.).
- They don’t live with their ex, but they are emotionally entangled through drama, court cases and fighting, or they are preoccupied with horror stories about their ex.
- They are vague about where they live.
2. They’re Manipulative.
- They talk about sex with other people, in the past or present, and worse – act like it’s no big deal.
- They behave differently toward you at different times, in a way that throws you off and leaves you confused – for example, they joke about being in love with you and then talk like you’re just friends.
- They get angry when you try to set a boundary.
- They keep you waiting by being late. Or they say they want to see you on a certain weekend and they’ll call you, but then you find yourself feeling like your whole weekend is on ice and you can’t make plans while you wait. Or They cancel plans at the last minute, or “forget” you had plans.
3. Their Flags are Screaming “Red Alert.”
- They are rude to people you encounter together – food servers, other drivers, or a stranger. Or they are cruel or rough with animals.
- They suddenly have a financial emergency and ask to borrow money.
- They show up to a date intoxicated, or they mysteriously become intoxicated during a date.
- They lie about something (to you or anyone). For example, they get a restaurant bill where the server forgot to charge for something, and they don’t speak up about it. Or they ask you to help deceive someone, like pretending you are just a friend.
It’s one thing to SEE red flags; it sometimes takes great strength to step away from a person who exhibits these negative traits (especially when you’re feeling isolated and lonely). Here at Crappy Childhood Fairy we have courses, coaching programs and a vibrant community of women and men who are working to heal their own trauma, and supporting one another on the path to a happier life. Check out the links below to find out more.
Watch Out For THESE RED FLAGS: Download the PDF.
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